I think we can lose our peace of mind when we are a mother. At one point, we just feel and know that things are not any longer under our control. Maybe you understand what went wrong, maybe you don’t even recall how it happened, how this routine made of tantrums and screams settled into your life. I think that the moment we’re tempted to google “desperate mother“, is when we feel like we have tried all kinds of things and that we are powerless and tired and perhaps afraid we might not love our child enough. It is a shocking thought, but it can happen too, it’s a reality.

What I would like you to do, dear desperate mother, is to look at things in perspective, take some time to think and understand that your child is a child, that he’ll not adapt himself to you if you do not change your own behaviour, reactions, words. What you need is good communication skills, know which errors you make and what you can do to change things. Being a desperate mother isn’t a fatality given that there is always a solution.

Here are my 5 essential advices:

1 – Don’t give in. Your kid thinks in a simple way. When he gets what he wants by screaming or insisting, he’ll keep acting the same way. When he realizes you don’t ever give in, don’t change your mind when you decide something, he’ll have got to admit it because then he will know that tantrums are pointless.

2 – Speak with your little one. Take that time. Value what he does, what he tells you, don’t make him have to grab your attention by being annoying. Explain to him what you do, what you feel, where you’re taking him, how you expect him to behave. Speak with him about his bad behavior during quiet moments, don’t wait until the tantrum occurs to explain that it is a bad attitude. Show compassion, even when you don’t give in, say you understand his frustration or anger.

3 – Do not spank, stop shouting. Stay calm and always keep your voice down. Yes, as a desperate mother, it seems impossible and you’re half-right, it can be pretty complicated but it is a major advice I’m giving you here! The way your little one reacts means that it is a way of expression he has chosen probably because you did not give or show any alternative. When you’re mad at someone and begin quarrelling and that person remains very calm and talks in a quiet voice, what do you do? You calm down. When your kid screams, make sure he understands he has other alternatives, that he can express his feelings with words just like you. Same thing when he hits you or bites.

4 – Don’t ever label your child as a liar, a cheater, a bad kid… You don’t admit his behaviour but you love him and you know he can act in a different way. Be sure he understands it or he may believe in that label and act on it for the rest of his life, just like the label “desperate mother” isn’t going to help you understand and improve the situation.

5 – Be coherent and consistent. Reward a good behavior, explain what’s wrong and right. Make your child choose a good behavior by showing him what it can bring to him, the trust you can put in him, the things you can share.

Were you expecting something more simple? Come on, parenting isn’t simple but with the appropriate communication tools, you can improve the situation, have your sanity back and your personnal life, have young children you can really rely on and trust. It’s at your reach. You can go from a desperate mother to a pleased one. A great number of mums and dads experienced that. I did.

If you’re interested, there’s a website created by parents for parents where you’ll find a selection of valuable parenting methods and reviews of each of them. The website is www.YourParentingHelp.com.
Good luck !

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