Defiant child behavior is something many parents fear because it can be hard to handle when parents don’t understand their children and don’t know what to do, how to react and make the rules be respected at home. If that is your case, you need a few effective parenting skills to get your parent role back. Even a slight change in your own behavior can impact your child’s attitude. But you have to be consistent.

Let’s learn how to make your child understand which behavior is acceptable and which one isn’t.

1. Always apply right away a negative consequence to a bad behavior and a positive consequence to a good behavior. Parents tend to forget to reward their child’s good behavior but if it takes an effort to your child and therefore has to be rewarded. Also, it’s a great way to make your child choose to have a good behavior. He’ll notice he can have a much nicer life by acting in a good way.

2. Give the choice to your child. Don’t say “put this on” or “do this right now”. Don’t give orders, give choices. “The white shirt or the blue one”. Stick to the choices you give. Repeat yourself if necessary. Your child will appreciate to have the choice and if it’s not satisfying to him, fair enough ! You’ll pick one yourself then. Don’t give in !

3. Staying calm and firm is extremely important. Your outbursts will only worsen the situation. Speaking in a quiet voice is the best way to start communication with your child. When you scream, your child takes it as a normal way of expressing anger or frustration that’s why it’s important to show the right attitude, the one that leads to discussion.

4. Be consistent and your child will notice you never give in and that he’ll never get what he wants by insisting or being defiant or annoying. Children are smart, they notice your reactions and push your buttons to see what the limits are. The clearer those limits are, the better your child’s attitude will be.

Often, defiant child behavior comes from an Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) which requires a real change in your own parenting behavior. Therefore, to prevent such behavior from being carried into adulthood by your child, the rules have to be settled as early as possible. Within those limits, and if they are explained and understood by your child, he’ll grow up with values and will be able to handle problems.

A parenting method can help putting an end to defiant child behavior because they provide what is needed: a guideline, coherence, support. I know that it is not easy to find a parenting style but a method or program, in addition to advices, can really make a difference in your child’s behavior now and in the long run. It’s never too late. To help you find an effective parenting method, you can read reviews by parents for parents of a selection of parenting programs at www.YourParentingHelp.com.

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